Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Review

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”
2.5 out of 4 stars

I would love to tell you that “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is a fantastic entry to one of the most beloved film series in movie history. I would love to tell you it comes close to “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” or even the different but under-appreciated “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” And I would love to tell you that “Crystal Skull” goes out with a bang and leaves Indy fans with a glow of happiness in their hearts after a 19-year layoff. But I can’t. This doesn’t mean “Crystal Skull” is a bad movie – it’s simply not memorable like the three before it, while suffering from many flaws.

Before I critique this film, I want to answer the top question on seemingly everyone’s mind: does a 65-year old Harrison Ford still have what it takes to play Indiana Jones? The answer is a resounding yes! Ford is as relaxed and confident as ever here in his fourth go-round as the titular archaeologist; whip in his hand, fear of snakes in his mind, and fedora in…er, on his head. There are two or three jokes about Indy’s age but it’s not overkilled, which I was afraid of going into the film. Ford’s his usual ass-kicking self and doesn’t miss a beat 19 years since the not-actually-Last Crusade.

Unfortunately for Indy, Ford’s the only one of the franchise’s “Big Three” who hasn’t missed a beat. Yes, I’m talking to you, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. “Crystal Skull” suffers from a multitude of problems and never quite makes the jump from entertaining/good to great. You want the movie to go out with a bang, but instead it ends with a bizarre and confusing experience, an unnecessary CGI-laden set piece, and some remarkably cheesy fluff that seems out of character with the Indy movies. It’s a shame too, because the first half of this movie is awesome. A few wonderful action sequences done the old-fashioned way (with more stunts than CGI), a memorable escape from Indiana in a familiar warehouse, and some great lines mark a fantastic opening. (When asked by a Russian general for his last words, Indy responds “I like Ike.”) The movie opens up with a bang, quite literally, when Indy stumbles across a weapons testing site. After the mayhem of the first 20 minutes or so, Dr. Jones heads home to find out that his former colleague Harold Oxley (John Hurt) has gone missing in search of the mythical crystal skull, and naturally, guess who’s going to save him? Indy picks up a brand-new sidekick in motorcycle greaser Mutt Williams (Shia LeBeouf), a partner of dubious allegiance in George “Mac” McHale (Ray Winstone), and old flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen). The film is sent in 1957, which means exit Nazis, enter Soviets. The villains are led by Irena Spalko (the ever-versatile Cate Blanchett), who seems to be madly obsessed with obtaining objects with magical psychic powers. If any of this sounds familiar, just replace the names of the characters with older ones and “magical psychic powers” with “a magical religious object.” Still, give Spielberg and Lucas credit; they know that the first three Indy movies were brilliant, and rehashing aspects from those movies works here. Nineteen years since “Last Crusade”, it doesn’t feel tired, because it still works. There are nods to the first three movies all over the place here, and even a mention of a film that was planned but never made (Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars – seriously, Google it).

But ah, the disappointment comes right around the halfway mark for “Crystal Skull.” The second half of the film, which finds the gang running around the jungles of Peru, feels like “National Treasure” with a sci-fi spin. Oxley’s seemingly lost his mind due to the effects of the skull, so he just starts babbling out random clues, and of course they’re right. The second half of the movie doesn’t take any time to slow down and explain things, but rather lets the action sequences unfold…and unfold…and unfold. There are some good bits here – a swordfight involving Mutt and Irena between moving cars, Indy firing a bazooka, and the annual Indiana Jones creepy crawlers, which may be the creepiest, crawliest ones yet. But for every good part, there’s something so utterly ridiculous it feels out of place in even an Indiana Jones movie. Perhaps the most absurd – LeBeouf’s Mutt swinging through the forest canopy on vines while surrounded by monkeys. Is this Tarzan or Indiana Jones? The action sequences here are drawn-out and CGI-driven. Spielberg insisted the picture didn’t feature much CGI – perhaps he fell asleep after watching an hour of the final cut.

Now that I’ve given Spielberg his responsibility for the mediocrity of the second half, it’s time to look at you, Mr. George Lucas. It’s Lucas who came up with the idea of exploring the crystal skulls as a plot device in the same way as the Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail, but the skulls don’t measure up at all. The psychic power of the skull is talked about it but never really explained clearly. It causes Oxley to go temporarily insane, talks to Indiana, attracts magnetic objects, and clears a path when creepy crawlers get in the way. If this doesn’t make any sense to you, then join the club. When the skull is finally returned to its resting place, the accompanying events make no sense whatsoever except to show off some big powerful CGI. Lucas and screenwriter David Koepp are settling for a mediocre sci-fi script that leaves the following question in my head – after 19 years, this is the best they could come up with? It’s a weak storyline that ultimately dooms the film from being memorable, while throwing in tons of gratuitous action to try and make you not realize all this.

One more reason “Crystal Skull” falls below the first three entries in the franchise is the supporting cast. To my surprise, Shia LeBeouf is actually very good here as Mutt. His youthful arrogance plays off with Jones’ older, wiser, yet continually badass self. John Hurt is also perfectly cast as Oxley – it’s not easy to play a guy who’s gone insane for most of the movie. On the other hand, Ray Winstone tries his hardest, but his Mac is just an uninspiring character. Despite switching allegiances multiple times, or so it seems, Mac never really clicks as a useful part of the story. And I hate to say this, but the filmmakers managed to mess with Marion. Karen Allen’s young Ravenwood was perhaps the best sidekick Indy ever had, with an inspiring performance as Indy’s love me-hate me girl in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” but in “Crystal Skull,” it seems like Marion’s back for the purpose of…being back. Her time on screen is uninspiring and underused. This isn’t Allen’s fault, but once again the product of a weak script. And Cate Blanchett gives her villainous Spalko a weird Russian accent that sorta works, but there's really not much of a connection between her and Indy. The relationships between Indy and the villains, from Rene Belloq in "Raiders" to Elsa Schneider in "Last Crusade," were part of what made the films memorable. And there's also nobody here quite as memorable as Raiders-era Marion or Sean Connery’s Henry Jones Sr. from the Last Crusade, and in fact nobody’s even close.

So what’s the verdict? Everyone should see this movie under my logic; you should see it if you’re an Indiana Jones fan, and everyone should be an Indiana Jones fan. It’s easy to forget the excellent first half of “Crystal Skull” under the weight of a worn-out and increasingly bizarre finish. But despite its many flaws, it’s absolutely a fun ride. And when the shadow of a man appears on the side of a car, and that man picks up his fedora and puts it on, you just can’t help but smile.



Edit: I was way too nice on this film early on. It probably is more of a 2 star deal or so. But I didn't want to fall into the trip of liking it just because it was Indiana Jones, and I did. I'm not gonna give it 0 stars like Chris Mercaldo says though. =P